The D Word

A post with a title like this on a blog called desexy implies that there are a number of things I could be talking about. But, please, take this moment to collectively remove your heads from the gutter. Before we can ever talk about desexualization, we need to define what it is. Something like desexualization, which is not just a word but also a complex experience, cannot be easily defined by one single source. Rather, throughout this blog, we will be constantly redefining what desexualization means to us and challenging our preconceptions of sex in regards to identities and bodies. But before we get into self-reflection, let’s start with the basics.

Throwing it back to how almost all of my early elementary reports started, let’s commence this discussion with some dictionary bliss. In regards to the word “desexualize,” Merriam-Webster defines it as the deprivation of “sexual characters or power.” Meanwhile, Dictionary.com asserts that to desexualize means “to deprive of sexual characteristics by the surgical removal of the testicles or ovaries.” Already, we have two definitions that focus on two entirely different dynamics of desexualization. Merriam-Webster focuses on power and perception while Dictionary.com focuses literally on the root word “desex” as in removing sex organs. While these definitions appear to be night and day, the experience desexualization is not explicitly black and white. Then again, in looking at the world through my lens of queerness, is anything I ever see really black and white?

What I want is to offer you a moment to reflect. Think about the entirety of your experiences of intimacy, whether they were emotional, romantic, sexual, or anything in between. Have you ever felt that someone didn’t want your relationship to turn sexual? Did you ever wonder why? Do you think how these people were viewing your body or your identity impacted their decision?

These are the questions that desexy was founded to help you answer. This blog will challenge the clinical definitions that we have started with today and contextualize them within real lived experiences that more accurately capture what it means to be “desexy.” Our conversations will explore stories from anyone who has ever experienced the feeling of not being seen as sexual, desirable, or worth loving, specifically highlighting the struggles that people with disabilities, trans folks, queer people, people of color, survivors, and elders face.

Stay tuned for “Size Matters and Matters of Size” as we focus on talking about desexualization based on body size.

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